BREAKING NEWS:

CHANNEL 12 SOX NEWS:

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TEASER/BUMPER:

"MISSING SOCK LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT." 

“…Next thing I knew I was in this round metallic type craft of some sort that spun around.”

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CAMERA ONE WIDE SHOT:

ANNOUNCER:

Welcome to Sox News @12, with anchor Tommy  Argyle  reporting.

 

CAMERA TWO CLOSE UP - CUE TOMMY:

“Good evening, fellow articles of clothing. Here are tonight’s stories."

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"Local male gets arrested at a downtown nightclub for attempted kidnapping—eyewitnesses say they saw him put socks down his pants—but first our top story:

 

CAMERA TWO ZOOM:

"HAVE THEY FINALLY ARRIVED? I am of course referring to UFO’s—that is, Unidentified Flying Objects. Reporting live from the laundry basket is a member of our own SOX NEWS crew, reporter Annie Anklets. Good evening Annie. Tell me, if this is real, could this truly be the answer to all those socks that have vanished over the past 50 or 60 years?”

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REMOTE CAMERA ONE:

"Good evening Tommy. In short, yes. It certainly would explain a lot. I have been investigating this, but I am not so sure if I want to open that Pandora’s Box. It’s been quite frightening from what I have learned so far. I have here with me Mr. Barney Hill."

 

REMOTE CAMERA ONE - ZOOM OUT:

"You may remember, he and his wife Betty were reported missing 3 weeks ago. The trusted Dr. Seymour Barefoot, whom I have personally known since I was knee-high, has examined him and while he can neither confirm nor deny Mr. Hill’s story, he does say Mr. Hill definitely experienced something unusual. Mr. Hill, in your own words, can you describe to us what happened to you?”

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REMOTE CAMERA ONE - ZOOM TO CLOSE UP:

“Certainly Ms. Anklets. it was the end of the day, my wife and I had just come back from playing polo, we’re a very athletic couple, and we were relaxing in the basket for a moment when both of us fell into a deep sleep. Next thing I knew we were being abducted—lifted straight up in the air and then put into this cold, wet, metallic cylinder type craft of some sort. I looked around and saw dozens of other fellow articles of clothing—I guess the aliens are not too discriminating.

 

Anyhow, they experimented on all of us, well, more like tortured us.  They first tried to drown us, and then seeing how we would react by spinning us around and around really, really fast like a merry-go-round on steroids. It was a nightmare! If that wasn’t enough, next they transported us to a different ship to torture us some more, only this time they spun us slower and upside down, head-over-heels.

 

In addition to that, they turned up the heat so high we couldn’t breathe and eventually passed out. When I woke up, our fellow articles of clothing were gone. They had simply vanished, including my wife Betty. The only trace of them was… was, lint in some sort of trap. The only ones left alive were me and some other single socks still desperately clinging to the sides. All of our mates were—.”

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“Did you recognize anyone?”

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“No, no one. But I do remember one of their names; Charles something, Charles Darning or Durning maybe? Oh, and another Charles too, or Chuck. Yeah, Chuck Woolery, I think. Only he didn’t fare so well. He looked worn out and holy and had a frozen look on his face like a sock puppet at the bottom of Damien’s toy chest. Anyhow, like I was saying, I realized of those of us left, our mates were all missing. What happened to them, I don’t know.”

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“So how did you escape Mr. Hill?”

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“Funny thing is, I don’t even know. I simply woke up right here in the basket again.”

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“Well there you have it, Tommy, a true mystery—we may never know for sure what truly happened to all those missing socks. Back to you.”

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STUDIO CAMERA TWO - CLOSE UP - CUE TOMMY:

“Thank you, Annie. That is quite a tale! Of course, the local police aren’t necessarily buying Mr. Hill’s fantastical UFO sock story; they want to question him closely in connection with his wife Betty’s mysterious disappearance. More to come as this story develops."

 

CUT TO CAMERA ONE - TWO SHOT - CUE CO-HOST:

"And when we come back from the commercial: BOTOX – GOOD FOR YOUR LOOKS BUT BAD FOR YOUR SOLE?

 

CUE TOMMY:

"And we will check in with Bobby Socks from our sports desk:

ARE THE WHITE SOX INVOLVED IN ANOTHER BLACK SOX SCANDAL? And speaking of scandals, we’ll also hear from our fashion correspondent Barbara Booties: FASHION FAUX PAS; THE SOCKS AND SANDAL SCANDAL. More when we return."

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CUE BUMPER MUSIC...

 

Deforest Shields

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